so this boy decides to play this game called “make the bitch suffer.” because you know who wouldn’t? it’s a great ass game! anyways, so one day i decided that i should find out if he likes me or not. so i slipped him a note saying that i like him and if he liked me the same way. turn h=out he doesn’t and i scared him (like always). so he forced me to move out of his locker and then he was like we will still be friends! LOL, YEAH RIGHT. he’s super funny because now he refuses to talk to me, let alone make eye contact with me. cool, i scared my best guy friend off…..again, just my fucking luck.
so now i have NO guy friend to take his place, and that ^^^^ caused my depression to get worse, so
i started to harm myself.
but wait, it gets better.
so, i told my best best best friend and she talked to a teacher at our school about it, saying he wasn’t going to tell anyone. yeah, righttt. he told the counseling office and they called my parents.
my parents asked me if this was true, and i told them yes. they also asked if i was going to do it again and i said yes. so by now it’s 8:30 on Tuesday 30, October and so they drove me to a hospital where they drew my blood, and a creepy guy came in and asked me questions about my self harm.
i didn’t leave the hospital until about 12:30 that night/morning. right then and there i found things out that i never knew before. someone very very very very very very very very VERY close to me had done the same things when i was 2-5 years old, and i didn’t even know it. i felt like shit, i wanted to die right then and there.
the next was halloween and the best part about this was the fact that five of my friends were going over and i had to do their hair. it was hot so i rolled my sleeves up, exposing my harm to everyone. Thankfully no one ever questioned it, ever. not right then and there, not after trick or treating, not even texting me even later. no one, and i like it that way.
i have been seeing my tharipst lately, and she is very blunt about this whole thing, but that’s what i need, blunt. i don’t care if it was mean or hurtful. i need that, i need someone to tell me the truth about stuff like this. she has helped me a lot through out the past three- four years.
i know that is a bad thing to do and i know that i shouldn’t. i loathe the people who do it and their parents don’t know. and i know this might gross you out but i LOVE the way the blade feels when it cuts into my skin, and i LOVE the way the blood just spills out like a waterfall, I love the way it feels, i just love everything about it.
right now, no one but my mom, dad, sister, and my two best friends now what had happened. and i just had to share that because even though barely anyone reads this, i feel like someone had to know.
adrienneisabel 