This WordPress.com site is the bee's knees

awesome, that’s perfect.

so this boy decides to play this game called “make the bitch suffer.” because you know who wouldn’t? it’s a great ass game! anyways, so one day i decided that i should find out if he likes me or not. so i slipped him a note saying that i like him and if he liked me the same way. turn h=out he doesn’t and i scared him (like always). so he forced me to move out of his locker and then he was like we will still be friends! LOL, YEAH RIGHT. he’s super funny because now he refuses to talk to me, let alone make eye contact with me. cool, i scared my best guy friend off…..again, just my fucking luck.

so now i have NO guy friend to take his place, and that ^^^^ caused my depression to get worse, so
i started to harm myself.
but wait, it gets better.

so, i told my best best best friend and she talked to a teacher at our school about it, saying he wasn’t going to tell anyone. yeah, righttt. he told the counseling office and they called my parents.

my parents asked me if this was true, and i told them yes. they also asked if i was going to do it again and i said yes. so by now it’s 8:30 on Tuesday 30, October and so they drove me to a hospital where they drew my blood, and a creepy guy came in and asked me questions about my self harm.
i didn’t leave the hospital until about 12:30 that night/morning. right then and there i found things out that i never knew before. someone very very very very very very very very VERY close to me had done the same things when i was 2-5 years old, and i didn’t even know it. i felt like shit, i wanted to die right then and there.

the next was halloween and the best part about this was the fact that five of my friends were going over and i had to do their hair. it was hot so i rolled my sleeves up, exposing my harm to everyone. Thankfully no one ever questioned it, ever. not right then and there, not after trick or treating, not even texting me even later. no one, and i like it that way.

i have been seeing my tharipst lately, and she is very blunt about this whole thing, but that’s what i need, blunt. i don’t care if it was mean or hurtful. i need that, i need someone to tell me the truth about stuff like this. she has helped me a lot through out the past three- four years.

i know that is a bad thing to do and i know that i shouldn’t. i loathe the people who do it and their parents don’t know. and i know this might gross you out but i LOVE the way the blade feels when it cuts into my skin, and i LOVE the way the blood just spills out like a waterfall, I love the way it feels, i just love everything about it.

right now, no one but my mom, dad, sister, and my two best friends now what had happened. and i just had to share that because even though barely anyone reads this, i feel like someone had to know.

yet again

this happens every time; I like him then he says he likes me but nothing happens but when I try to make something happen he says he doesn’t like me anymore. I don’t know if it me or what. I just can’t do anything right and I don’t think I can do anything. I know he doesn’t want to ruin our friendship but last time it didn’t ruin it. I just wish things would be easier and I could be happy.

i hope and i wish

i sit here and think about you all the time. it’s not once or twice, it’s everyday, all day, when i go to bed, when i wake up, even the littlest things remind me of you. but how do i know you like me too? thats a good question because i may never now. i’m tired of us just being friends, i know how you felt last year and i wish i could go back and just erase that bit that wasn’t about you. ever since that day you told me that you liked me i couldn’t get you off my mind. i know i was dating that other guy but i only thought about you. i go back to the days when we were dating and everything was good and happy, i miss that. i miss you. i miss us. i miss that feeling i got when you looked me in the eyes and i wish and hope that we can do that again because i miss you. and this may sound crazy but i think i’m in love with you or close to it becasue everything and i mean everything reminds me of you. i just hope that you are reading this and you feel the same way. i just wish that you would realize that i’m doing everything i can to get you back.

hipsta please.

hipsta please.

Bardot ripped jeans
$155 – bardot.com.au

Jeffrey Campbell black boots
$235 – motelrocks.com

Meadowlark skull jewelry
$345 – superette.co.nz

Ben Amun ben amun
maxandchloe.com

Sterling silver ring
badassjewelry.com

Chunky jewelry
$22 – beadesaurus.co.uk

Silver jewelry
newlook.com

Stella mccartney
forwardforward.com

effort for school.

effort for school.

Crop top
$19 – owntherunway.com

High low skirt
sheinside.com

Kenneth jay lane
my-wardrobe.com

Sonia rykiel
$175 – monnierfreres.co.uk

Daisy Knights silver jewelry
$130 – farfetch.com

Cross ring
$46 – modekungen.se

Adia Kibur skull ring
metroparkusa.com

Estée lauder
$30 – johnlewis.com

Christian dior
nordstrom.com

understanding.

I understand why people decide to cut themselves; it’s because the people say hurtful things and the person takes them seriously. but what if you don’t care what people think? then that person cuts themselves because they don’t like what they see. they care more about what they think and they don’t know what to do about it if they hate it so they cut.

Cher LLoyd inspired

Black wedge
owntherunway.com

Bke
buckle.com

Turquoise jewelry
windsorstore.com

Slim belt
asos.com

Lip stick
saksfifthavenue.com

Cher Lloyd inspired

Cher Lloyd inspired

Scoop neck shirt
$31 – witchery.com.au

Warehouse tuxedo blazer
$64 – warehouse.co.uk

Alice Olivia leather skirt
aliceandolivia.com

Jeffrey Campbell lace up boots
$205 – farfetch.com

Chain necklace
$14 – oliverbonas.com

little date night

little date night

you’re my only shorty

you're my only shorty

Illustrated People crop shirt
$48 – topshop.com

AX Paris spiked boots
$96 – axparis.co.uk

ASOS chunky chain necklace
$40 – asos.com

Metal jewelry
topshop.com

Urban decay
urbandecay.com

Fragrance
$31 – thefragranceshop.co.uk